We all make mistakes, errors of judgment that will go with us throughout our entire lives. Some of our mistakes are unforgivable, unrepairable, and will never be forgotten. But now we have a choice to make, and we can reach out and ask for forgiveness. If we are rebuffed, we have done our part, but it doesn't ease the guilt, pain, or shame.
At this point, we have to move forward with our lives, we cannot live in the neighborhood of yesterday, I should have or if only. We must, at some point, turn the corner and start walking toward the future.
I learned that although we can ask for forgiveness, it is not automatically given by humans, in fact, rarely does humanity extend forgiveness without stipulations. God, the final author and finisher of our lives, knows where we were at that moment when that choice was made and delivered. God, in His infinite wisdom, will impart forgiveness when we ask with a sincere heart.
If this is your struggle today, tell God, he will listen and forgive.